Hm. Well my last morning in India ended on an appropriate note. I got full on (there just isn't a delicate way to say this) groped by the reception guy at my hostel... I'll start this from the beginning, shall I?
After being told forcefully by my travel guy that I needed to leave the hostel no later than 8:00 to catch my 12:30 flight I dutifully arrived for check-out at 8:00. Of course the guy behind the counter was my smiling friend that I tried to avoid the whole time. The backround on him started with him showing me my room (which I changed after ten minutes because I couldn't stand the mold smell). He did the whole 'oh my new friend give me a hug' thing. Like I said before I get sloppy when I'm worn out so I just gave him a quick hug. What I should have seen coming a mile off was him kissing me on each cheek. When I refused to reciprocate he did the 'oh come on just a little peck' thing. He must have pulled this a dozen times but even in my impaired state I saw it coming a mile off. As soon as you go to peck him on the cheek he will turn to meet you with his lips. Yuck. Seriously, yuck. He tried this three times in 4 days. Two times he got the door slammed in his face.
Anyway, back to that morning. After signing something, paying something, and filling out something else he gestured to the rickshaw driver to get my bag. Predictably he then tried the 'ah my friend you are leaving, one last hug'. Whatever. No kiss for him, not that he didn't try but as I was pulling away he not only ran his hand over both my breasts (again no delicate way) but he full on squeezed one. Seriously!?! I mean seriously!?! After a split second of stunned silence I slapped him hard. And you know what? The groping and his sleezy whatever wasn't even the worst part. The part that upset me the most, still upsets me, is the look he gave me after I slapped him. I can't adequately describe it. A mixture of pure shock, like it never occurred to him that I would object and shock like it never occurred to him that a woman could do such a thing. That a woman was capable of standing up to him, defending herself. And he did this in full view of another person! Like this was totally natural and expected. I mean... just... ahhhhhhhhh!
And that isn't even all! The night before, around 10, someone knocked at my door for a full 10 minutes. My body was vibrating in bed the entire time thinking frantically about all the possible reasons someone would knock at my door late at night. Did I leave anything downstairs? No. Are you sure? I felt in my purse. No, I have everything. About tomorrow morning? No, everything is taken care of. Food? I didn't order anything. It has to be Creepy Guy. No... even he isn't that stupid. It is, I know it is. Nah. The knocking continues. Its him, I know its him. Good god, its been forever, why don't they go away? I am not opening that door!
So, this I just cannot rap my mind around. I have no doubt in my mind that it was him. But even allowing for him pushing me back in the room and locking the door all I had to do was scream and i'd wake up the whole floor. The hostel was full. It wouldn't be that hard to break down the door. So unless he was planning on killing me there was no way he could get away with it. Actually... that's not true. The only other explanation was that he never considered the fact that I would resist or have a problem. I'm furious again in retrospect.
Okay, I'm breathing. I can't remember ever feeling so devalued in my life. I am just starting to begin to think about unraveling my deep feelings about this incident. My only reaction has been to wish with all my heart that I had hit him harder. That I had actively gone after him and made him physically afraid of me. Probably not what Pema Chodron and Jesus had in mind when they said to forgive those who harm you.
After being told forcefully by my travel guy that I needed to leave the hostel no later than 8:00 to catch my 12:30 flight I dutifully arrived for check-out at 8:00. Of course the guy behind the counter was my smiling friend that I tried to avoid the whole time. The backround on him started with him showing me my room (which I changed after ten minutes because I couldn't stand the mold smell). He did the whole 'oh my new friend give me a hug' thing. Like I said before I get sloppy when I'm worn out so I just gave him a quick hug. What I should have seen coming a mile off was him kissing me on each cheek. When I refused to reciprocate he did the 'oh come on just a little peck' thing. He must have pulled this a dozen times but even in my impaired state I saw it coming a mile off. As soon as you go to peck him on the cheek he will turn to meet you with his lips. Yuck. Seriously, yuck. He tried this three times in 4 days. Two times he got the door slammed in his face.
Anyway, back to that morning. After signing something, paying something, and filling out something else he gestured to the rickshaw driver to get my bag. Predictably he then tried the 'ah my friend you are leaving, one last hug'. Whatever. No kiss for him, not that he didn't try but as I was pulling away he not only ran his hand over both my breasts (again no delicate way) but he full on squeezed one. Seriously!?! I mean seriously!?! After a split second of stunned silence I slapped him hard. And you know what? The groping and his sleezy whatever wasn't even the worst part. The part that upset me the most, still upsets me, is the look he gave me after I slapped him. I can't adequately describe it. A mixture of pure shock, like it never occurred to him that I would object and shock like it never occurred to him that a woman could do such a thing. That a woman was capable of standing up to him, defending herself. And he did this in full view of another person! Like this was totally natural and expected. I mean... just... ahhhhhhhhh!
And that isn't even all! The night before, around 10, someone knocked at my door for a full 10 minutes. My body was vibrating in bed the entire time thinking frantically about all the possible reasons someone would knock at my door late at night. Did I leave anything downstairs? No. Are you sure? I felt in my purse. No, I have everything. About tomorrow morning? No, everything is taken care of. Food? I didn't order anything. It has to be Creepy Guy. No... even he isn't that stupid. It is, I know it is. Nah. The knocking continues. Its him, I know its him. Good god, its been forever, why don't they go away? I am not opening that door!
So, this I just cannot rap my mind around. I have no doubt in my mind that it was him. But even allowing for him pushing me back in the room and locking the door all I had to do was scream and i'd wake up the whole floor. The hostel was full. It wouldn't be that hard to break down the door. So unless he was planning on killing me there was no way he could get away with it. Actually... that's not true. The only other explanation was that he never considered the fact that I would resist or have a problem. I'm furious again in retrospect.
Okay, I'm breathing. I can't remember ever feeling so devalued in my life. I am just starting to begin to think about unraveling my deep feelings about this incident. My only reaction has been to wish with all my heart that I had hit him harder. That I had actively gone after him and made him physically afraid of me. Probably not what Pema Chodron and Jesus had in mind when they said to forgive those who harm you.
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